Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
