The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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