Buhtt sex?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
