Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
