now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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