one might say we're banned from that church
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
