It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
