did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
