I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
