I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
