Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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