If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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