If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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