I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
