soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
