i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
