Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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