We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
