where does the pee come out of this thing
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
