fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
