You just made me feel so damn special
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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