I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
