im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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