hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
