If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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