Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
