YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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