went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
They have beer where we have blood.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
