i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
