My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
