That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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