sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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