Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The ass gains better be worth it
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