You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
