How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
