Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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