he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just invented taco cereal.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
