A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
