just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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