Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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