oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
