You made me cry and you don't even care
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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