Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
