Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
ttyl tear gas
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize