My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
