im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
