I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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