So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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