She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
