You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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