I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
