I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
