Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
